Blair's Blog
You Can Run, but It Is Better to Resolve
Many times we find ourselves in very difficult situations that kick up our "fight or flight" mechanisms. This experience is shared by most animals and is meant to serve as a safety mechanism. But, unlike the rest of earth's creatures, humans (when dealing with other humans, especially) often have a third choice: RESOLVE the differences between the two people.
As one of my mentors Mack Newton says, "Quitting when things get tough should never be your first choice, although it is often the easiest choice to make, because then you don't have to deal with the problem anymore." I know that I have been tempted to throw my hands up and walk away so I can go focus on other things, but I choose to remember another credo I live by:
Always keep in mind the person you want to be and be moving towards that goal. So, if you face a challenging situation and you stop, you are actually moving backwards from your goal and giving up on yourself. In reality, you can run, but you cannot hide. And, as we all know, what we resist persists. So ultimately, you will have to face the problem that you are running from and the longer you wait, the bigger the problem is likely to become. Take your medicine early by dealing with the challenge when you first happen upon it so you can keep moving ahead.
If this is the plan, and "flight" is no longer an option and you don't want to "fight", how do you move on to "resolve"?
The bottom line is to start by looking for common ground and establishing a shared reality. Try to persuade the other person to step out of the situation with you and discuss what results the outcome has to have to be acceptable to both parties. Treat it like you are on the same team trying to solve a problem where two distinct needs must be met and together you are working on a solution. This has often worked well for me when the other person is willing to engage in the exercise. Sometimes, this approach does not work and I am not sure what to do. That's when I seek help from my mentors.
Personally, finding great mentors has really worked well for me. Once you experience how quickly mentors can help you discover solutions you could not see on your own, or weigh your options, you understand the completely life changing results they can help bring about. My mentors have ended up being blessings in my life: Teaching me, helping correct my course, helping me grow and ultimately succeed. Remember, we can't succeed on our own. It takes a team. Don't forget to include mentors on your team to help you resolve the challenges that will otherwise prevent you from being the person you want to be.
Building a Better Life
After traveling extensively to South Africa, Russia, Asia, and Spain recently, and just returning from a 3-week trip that covered the UK and Malaysia, I am once again reminded of the common thread of the human experience: Hope.
I know that every one I meet, everywhere I go shares an un-killable belief that there is something better out there for themselves and their families. I consider this one of the traits that makes us human. I don't think animals spend much time hoping to build a brighter future. But, I know that all the people I have met have a desire for things to ultimately get better for them.
I also know that when people have this hope driving them, they are willing to work incredibly hard. What I find very exciting is that over the past 3 years, people have come to the realization that the hardest and most rewarding work they must do to get what they want is manage their own "Little Voice". There has been a significant shift in global recognition that personal development and working on what is going on internally is going to make all the difference in generating the results people want to achieve.
This has led to a major shift in the level of knowledge most people have today than they did just a few years ago. It seems people are reading and educating themselves more than ever to take on the quest of self improvement.
Sometimes, our quest to improve our situation requires we change our environment. I don't believe that a strong will can overcome the challenges of an unhealthy and unsupportive environment. I was recently asked what the best thing to do would be if you find yourself in an environment that holds you down or offers you no hope for the better life you seek. In almost all cases, I say change your environment.
That might mean packing a bag and moving to a new place, or simply changing the people that you spend the majority of your time with. I know that people’s fear of the unknown is sometimes greater than the difficulties they already exist with everyday. But, if you have hope for a better future and are in an unhealthy or unsupportive environment, it may be time to move on despite your fears.
The reality is, if you make such a drastic change as a new geography or a new group of friends and coworkers, odds are very high in your favor that you will not starve, disintegrate or fail… and in fact, you are likely to actually be rewarded for taking action and achieving the better life that motivated your change in the first place.
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